Winchester Epic
by epex
Summary: Dean is back from hell and the brothers are against a rising apocalypse. Angels and demons, just who is their friend and who is their enemy? And what plans they have for Dean and Sam's developing powers? Sick/hurt Sam, hurt protective Dean.
1. Kingdom of Hell

**Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural.**

**If you think Sam is so innocent to drink demon blood and turn evil, read this story.**

**For those who had read this story before, I deleted this story and I have to republish it, so I used the chance to revise it, I hope it has gotten better. **

**Kingdom of Hell**

The night has settled fully and it's utterly dark. Not even a dim star twinkles in the misty sky; and soon little by little a pall of thick cloud covers the moon too. The heavy and thick air is hanging stagnate at both sides of the long dirt lane. All Sam can see is dry branches of lifeless trees as the white light of his black car tears apart the darkness of heartless night. His bloodshot sleep deprived eyes are fixed on the narrow road. His young handsome face is broken and drowned; he's been in hell these last few months, and now miles and miles away from any sign of civilization he has only one thing on his mind, saving his brother, ending both their hells. He clutches the wheel more firmly in determination.

The faithful old Impala slows down and comes to a stop just before a cross road. Sam immediately reaches to the empty passenger seat and takes out a bottle of holy water and an old gun from his weaponry duffel. It's not a demon killing gun, but still some thing to make him feel a little more secure. He arms it quickly and drags his battered body out of the car. His heart starts to beat faster as adrenalin rushes trough his veins. As soon as he gets out of the car and slams the door the damped cold air fills his lungs and it gets harder to breath. The heavy air which feels like lead in his congested lungs soon brings a few wet coughs.

He kneels on the hard rocky ground and starts to dig a hole, deep enough to burry the small box he uses to summon crossroad demons with a stick he finds on the ground.

Sam is following his father's and brother's foot steps. He is walking in the kingdom of hell.

He is breathless and wheezing when he picks up his gun and stands up. The most ridiculous thing about this situation is this cold that wouldn't leave him alone, he doesn't even remember for how long he has had this cold. It started out as nothing but annoying coughs; some times it got aggressive and left him fevered and miserable for a few days, the rest of the time it wasn't that bad, just a congested lung and coughs, so he hasn't done anything to get rid of it, skipping nights of sleep and lack of proper food hasn't helped either. Any way what's the point in trying to die healthy; he is not going to need his lungs in hell.

By the time he finishes digging Sam feels warm, but he ignores it and looks around closely. He can only see the part of the road the impala's headlights are illuminating; the rest has crept into the darkness and is completely hidden. "Come on you bitch, show yourself." He mutters to the darkness impatiently.

The worn out Winchester can't wait to put an end to all this, to drag his brother out of hell and die in peace. He is exhausted physically and emotionally. He has fought tooth and nail every day to bring back his brother, but so far nothing, just one dead end after another. He is getting tired of dragging his brother's belongings with him every where he goes; Dean's clothes, his boots, his weapons, his toiletry and his car. The world is so empty and intolerable without his brother.

For a few moments it's so unnaturally quite, but the young hunter knows from years of experience that it is just the peace before a storm. His heart starts hammering in his chest and he knows it, he can feel it, the unholy presence of a demon, he starts panting and feeling hot as beads of sweat appears on his forehead. He can hear his heart beat in his ears and it's so loud he can hardly hear any thing else.

"Look what we have here, a superstar… Couldn't wait to meet me honey?" A coy feminine voice comes from behind him, Sam turns around quickly. No matter how on the alert you are, these devils always manage to sneak on you. He immediately raises his gun and aims it at her face.

The woman puts her hands in the air as a sign of surrounding. "Easy tiger, we just wanna talk, don't we?" The demon has possessed a girl with a very innocent face, her long curly blond hair shines in the Impala's bright light. With her knee high white dress any one would mistake her for an angel.

"I'm tired, so let's make it quick." Sam says gruffly.

"What's the rush, sweetie? I have waited so long to meet the great legendary Sam Winchester. The last of the Winchesters standing." She says with evident malice in her voice and lingering on every word long enough to make it more hurtful.

Sam ignores her. "So….. Are you going to give me what I want?"

"For the beginners why don't you lower your gun? Not that it can harm me in any way, it just makes you look…" she ponders on her last word, "… unfriendly. I'm getting the feeling that you aren't very fond of me." She pouts.

"You can't even imagine how much you disgust me." Sam says, but lowers his gun any way. "Besides if you like me so much why you don't give me what I want."

"You want me to save your brother from hell?" She is not able to do what Sam wants, even if she could she wouldn't do it, but like all other sadistic bastards of her kind she likes to play with humans. They all enjoy manipulating you, let your hopes set then completely shatter them and enjoy your feeling of helplessness.

"Yeah, and I don't even want ten years, not even one day, just replace me with my brother." Sam says calmly, not even thinking about the consequences of it any more. He feels so cold inside and for some reason he doesn't care anymore.

"Oh, interesting offer." The ghastly demon says enthusiastically, pretending she is interested. "To have your soul immediately is so tempting; do you have any idea how many demons you have killed since your brother died? You are getting so dangerous for demons… but you know your brother is so wanted in hell, I might get myself in trouble helping you."

"I've heard you're a strong demon." Sam negotiates.

"I know, just let me think about it." She puts her finger on her chin and stares up in the air, acting as if she is thinking.

Some thing like the warmth of hope blossoms in Sam's frozen heart, he feels he is stepping out off his miseries finally. It is hard to believe.

The demon strides closer to him fully invading his personal space. Sam doesn't move, maybe because he is astounded with the possibility of what could happen.

"I made my decision." She stares at Sam's impeccable, but bloodshot eyes. "No can do… sorry." She shrugs and turns around quickly. "They need your brother in hell, besides he deserves every single torture he gets." She is trying to push the young Winchester to the verge of madness.

The whole world crushes down on Sam, his knees get week and he sways a little, he feels so much hotter now, his lung infection is going to be the death of him, but before that he has one more thing to do, he will drag this son of a bitch down with him.

He raises his hand, his palm toward the back of the demon. The demon freezes where she is, she turns around slowly with a deep frown on his face and hatred burning in her red eyes. "What do you think you can do? You are so week." She says through clenched teeth.

"I'm doing a favor to all of your so called clients." Sam says calmly. He fists his fingers with force as if some invisible power is keeping him from doing so. The demon tries to back away, but an unseen energy is keeping her glued to the ground.

A blinding pain hits Sam just behind his eyes, he screws his eyes shot and clutches his temple to ease the pain a little, trying hard to keep his other hand steady. He slowly opens his eyes to see the demon's face contorted in pain. If he is lucky he can save an innocent girl tonight, he has exercised a demon before, although with Ruby's help and guidance. He tries harder to channel his energy like Ruby has told him, but it just intensifies his headache. Soon he feels some thing wet sliding down from his nose to his lips. He feels weaker by every passing moment, but he is not giving up. His vision gets darker, the impala's light is blinding for his sensitive eyes. His heart beats furiously in his chest. He sees the death dancing in front him, but still keeps his hold on the demon. He is going to kill this filthy monster even if it's the last thing he is ever going to do in his life.

The blood drips on his shirt from his chin. The demon is standing dumbfounded, but she can sense her captor's energy is consuming fast. Sam's vision darkens and the demon's triumph smile is the last thing he sees. The young Winchester can't see any more. He opens his fist and closes it again uselessly trying to bring out the energy that is boiling inside him; if he doesn't do it it's going to take its toll on his body. And it does, Sam falls down gradually to his knees. The pain gets too much to handle. He can't help the whimper that escapes his lips. But if he lets go it would be the last thing he does, so he still keeps his weakening hold on the demon.

"Is anything wrong kiddo? Need some help with your powers?" The demon says in a mocking tone.

Soon the death which is dancing around attacks him and grips his heart, the echo of his heart beat stops. All his energy runs up, and the oblivion drags him down. His hand falls limply to his side and the ground starts tilting toward him. Every thing goes dark and quite. The blood from his nose drips down on the ground and the parched soil gulps it down hungrily.

The demon watches Sam Winchester passing out in front of her and hitting the ground lifelessly.

The mist starts to make the air dusky. The demon stands over Sam and watches him with a roguish smile. But she is not the only one watching. The pitch black eyes of another demon are watching her from behind a large truck of a tree.

**supernatural**

"What other lame ass test you wanna do to see that I'm real, Bobby?" Dean says putting down the container of holy water, wiping his wet lips with the back of his hand. He is in bobby's living room, sitting in front of a very astounded Bobby.

"What do you want me to do? Dead people don't come to visit me from hell every day, you edjit." Not the way he intents to say it. "Look Dean, I… I just…"

"It's OK Bobby, this is so surreal to me too." Dean tells Bobby avoiding his tentative look. He runs a hand through his hair, desperate to find an answer. "I need a beer."

Bobby goes to get not one, but two beers. "What do you remember, Dean?" He opens a bottle of beer and put it in front of the younger man.

"Nothing, Bobby." He says after his first gulp of beer. "I just remember dying on the floor, and then waking in a dusty casket in a grave and it's four months later." The memory of his death is still so fresh in his mind. He can still hear Sam's cries in his head and feel the sharp teeth of hell hound on his flesh as he is being ripped to shreds. Although Dean knows it happened a long time ago, he is still pretty shaken. He takes another swing from his bottle, trying to regain his composure.

"It must be your idiot of a brother, he must have done some thing. I just hope it's not as stupid as what you did." Bobby remembers how erratic and desperate Sam acted after Dean went to hell and prays for the young Winchester.

An uneasy silence overwhelms the room. Both of the men consider all the scary possibilities in their mind.

Dean needs to know what Sam has done to take him out of hell, hopefully it's not as stupid as what he did. '_Sam is much smarter than I am,'_ he consoles himself.

"Where is Sam any way?"

"I have no idea." Bobby answers, deliberately avoiding Dean's eyes.

"What!" Dean snaps. "I thought you would take care of Sam after I died. I thought you said we were family. You don't know where my brother is? …Bobby you were supposed to look after him."

No doubt that one of these stubborn Winchesters is going to be Bobby's death one day. "He doesn't want me to know where he is. What did you expect, Dean? You wanted him to live happily ever after like nothing happened? Well sorry, that was a little hard for your brother." Unlike Dean Bobby stays calm, but every word he says is just like a knife shredding the older brother's heart into bloody pieces.

"We have to find him, if anyone can track him, it's me." No need to ask if Sam is OK, he probably isn't. Dean puts his empty bottle of beer on the table and leaves hurriedly for the bed room.

**supernatural**

Sam is floating between a restless sleep and wakefulness. He remembers some thing was terribly wrong, but his mind is not alert enough to tell him what. He has to open his eyes, because where ever he is he's not safe; he has lost his haven months ago.

_As long as I'm around nothing bad is going to happen to you. _He hears Dean in his fuzzy mind.

After a few minutes the emergency of the situation defeats his exhaustion and he pries his eyes open. Every thing is blurry. As the picture in front of him comes to focus, all the events of last night come to him one by one; the crossroad, the demon, the blood, the pain in his head and then nothing. He jolts awake and rubs his eyes to shake off the drowsiness. He looks around, unlike what he expects he is in a room, a small motel room. He is lying on a bed with a blanket over him. He sits up and looks around; the room is almost empty except for a bed and a night stand, so lifeless and dull, not even a hideous painting on the wall or an old T.V at the corner like all the other cheap motel rooms he has stayed in.

Sam is still in the same clothes as last night, except for his shoes which are discarded beside the bed. At the corner of the wall a girl is standing with crossed arms, she is wearing a tight black jacket and jeans. Demons have some taste in dressing.

"Ruby!" Sam says groggily. Although Ruby now possesses another body, Sam can recognize her just by looking. He doesn't even know if it is because of his powers or he is just getting better in recognizing demons by spending so much time around them.

Ruby is looking at him like he owes her some thing, some thing big.

"Possessing some other helpless body I see." Sam rubs his forehead to get rid of some of the pain pounding in his head. "The last one wasn't good enough for you? Or you just got tired of it?"

"I possessed a soulless body, like you wanted. This one is empty." Ruby answers sternly.

"Empty?" Sam is too busy with his headache and rubbing his temples to even give Ruby a suspicious look.

"This body was brain dead, the soul had already left it, I swear."

Sam is still doubtful, but he doesn't have the energy to deal with another demon right now.

"Do you have any other reason not to trust me now?" Ruby's voice changes to a soft tone.

"I don't have any reason to trust you either." Sam says in a low voice.

"How many times do I have to put myself in danger to save your ass so you trust me, Sam?" Sam has gotten even more stubborn after his brother's death, if that's even possible.

It's obvious that ruby had saved him again last night, but still what she's asking is too much. "You want me to drink demon blood, damn it." Sam shouts angrily which makes his headache worse. He grimaces in pain and tries to keep his head steady between his hands.

_Did he know the demon's plan for me? Am I supposed to go dark side or something?_

Ruby leaves her position at the corner of the wall and comes closer. "Well maybe that's because I thought you care that much about your brother to help him." Ruby says harshly.

Sam wants to shout back and tells the demon to leave him the hell alone, to let him die in his miseries, but the only thing which comes out through his parted lips is a pitiful moan. Ruby's shout hammers in his aching head, and he feels sick. He shoves the blanket aside and goes directly for the bath room. Standing up he feels dizzy, and almost falls down before managing to use the wall as leverage. He staggers to the bath room, not even bothering to close the door behind him.

Fifteen minutes later Sam is done heaving and throwing up bile, he leaves the bathroom and leans against the wall. Finding no energy to go further, he starts sliding down the wall slowly and sits on the floor wearily. The clock on the night stand shows 4:23 PM. Sam clutches his head with his both hands and puts his head on his knees. He closes his eyes just to escape from the cruel realities of his life for a few short moments.

_You know that I've tried so hard to keep you safe._

Dean. He clutches Dean's amulet which is hanging from his neck. He presses it to his aching chest.

_As long as I'm around nothing bad is going to happen to you._

"Pain killers?" Ruby asks in a concerned voice, like she really cares.

There are times like this that Sam thinks maybe someone with a wicked thing in them could resist being evil. This is something that if he believes his life will get easier, so he tries to believe it.

He lifts his head sluggishly and takes the pills Ruby's offering. He swallows them dry, and puts his head back on his knees.

_As long as I'm around nothing bad is going to happen to you._

Ruby sits on the bed. "That was some crappy demon exercising, Sam. you looked so pathetic." Ruby says with sympathy. "You know to be powerful enough to help your brother; you have to drink demon blood."

"If you say demon blood and drink in one sentence again, I'm gonna be sick all over again." He says and presses his forehead to his knees harder.

_Sam, when dad told me that I might have to kill you, it was only if I couldn't save you. And if it's the last thing I do I'm gonna save you._

Sam curls his long fingers around Dean's amulet, the amulet he took from his brother's dead body four months ago.

"Ok, but you have no reason to denny my suggestion; you don't have any other choices." Ruby knows Sam Winchester has tried his last way to help his brother last night.

"I don't want to turn into a freak, some thing that I'm not." Sam answers quietly.

_Hell… it's a prison made of bone and flesh and blood and fear. It's the worst thing possible. _He remembers Meg talking about hell.

"What are you afraid of, Sam? Going to hell? What happened to '_I don't even want ten years, not even one day, just replace me with my brother.'_" She snorts, "I thought you'd do any thing to save Dean, but you are just a coward. If you only had half of your brother or your father's audacity, then we could kill so many demons and save so many lives as well as helping your brother." Ruby is trying to push the right buttons. "Besides you already have demon blood in you."

_Sam, dad told me that I might have to kill you._

For once Sam is left speechless. Ruby is absolutely right; he has demon blood running in his veins, he would tear off every vein from his body, if that was possible, but he is tainted for ever. So what is he trying to protect himself from? Demon blood?

He has thought of killing himself, but it would make Dean's sacrifice wasted, he has no choice but to live. Dean has gone to hell, so he could have a life, but just how he was going to have it. He definitely couldn't go back to his normal life while Dean was in hell. He couldn't even sleep thinking how Dean would be tortured in hell. It was just impossible. Besides, from what he has learned there is some thing big going on, he knows demons are cooking something and it's never a good thing. He has to keep fighting them, maybe he can get revenge from some of these demons if nothing.

Seeing the young Winchester speechless, Ruby takes out a little vile out of his pocket and puts it on the floor in front of him.

"You haven't eaten any thing but painkillers for these last days. This will make you feel so powerful you can't even imagine. You can take a couple of demons at a time. You don't have to feel helpless and sick ever again. I swear if there is a way to help your brother it's this little vile here."

_If it's the last thing I do, I'm gonna save you._

Sam lets go of his brother's necklace and picks the vile with shaky fingers; he gawk at the dark crimson liquid in it. The thought of drinking it is making him nauseous. It is blood and not just any blood, it's the blood coming out of a human body, and it's the evil blood of a demon.

Suddenly some thing like a sizzling fire flares inside him, clawing at his heart with need. It's one of the strongest feelings he has ever had, but he has no idea what it is. Seems like hunger or thirst, but more powerful.

Yes, he is tired, tired of being sick and in pain, tired of being helpless and pathetic. So, what if he could be healthy and powerful, have the power to take all those who made his life miserable down? Should he think about the consequences or not? One thing is for sure, it's not what Dean would want him to do. But Dean is not here, and Sam is all by himself. It is so hard to admit, but he has nothing to lose.

So what if he takes it, and gets more powerful? He is not afraid of hell itself any more.

**TBC**

**NEXT CHAPTER: Wounds on My Soul**

**Winchester brothers are reunited. Dean has to encounter something he never really believed in, an angle. **

**Reviews are love, please review.**


	2. Wounds on My Soul

**Thanks for reading guys :)**

**Wounds on My Soul**

Dean and Bobby get off one of the bobby's rusty cars. And there in the parking area of the Ritu Motel his baby is sitting, shining like a black pearl in the golden rays of sun.

Dean goes straight to the Impala, beaming a happy smile to his beloved possession. "There you are baby. I missed you so much." The Impala is dusty and there is dried mud on the tires. "Sam had better treat you right…" He peeks in the car from the side window. Inside the car is entirely neat and clean; no garbage in the back seat, no half eaten sandwiches, no dirt on the floor, no coffee paper cups or pizza box any where to be seen. "That's my boy. Sam! You neat freak." Dean says amused. "You haven't changed a bit."

So they must be in the right motel. Bobby can't trace Sam after days of searching, but Dean finds his brother in less than half a day. Now they just have to figure out which room Sam is in. Bobby is sure this is not a problem for Dean either.

**supernatural**

Dean and Bobby go to the door which they think is Sam's room and knock. After a few long moments the door is opened by a girl. She stares right back at them. "So where is it?" The girl asks.

"Where is what?" Asks Dean.

"The pizza!" The girl says like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"Uh… I think we got the wrong room." Dean starts to turn away and leave when Sam appears behind the girl. "Heya, Sammy." Dean says smiling, but it's until he sees the knife in Sam's hand. Before he knows what is going on Sam grabs him with strong grip and drags him in the room. In a blink of an eye Dean is pined against the wall with a big knife on his throat.

"Who are you?" Sam shouts, and for a moment Dean actually gets scared. Sam is beyond furious and he looks like he is ready to spill blood.

"It's me Sam, I swear." Dean says almost fearfully. Bobby tries to yank Sam off.

"Stop it; just tell me what you are before…" Sam is shouting at the top of his lungs which aggravates his throat and immediately results in harsh coughs, and he can't finish his threat, or catch his breathe for that matter.

"Sam, it's Dean. I already went through this with him, he's real." Bobby grabs Sam's arm, afraid that Sam may actually hurt Dean.

Sam doesn't loosen his grip. He looks Dean up and down. Dean can swear the only thing he sees on his brother's face is shear resentment. Then Sam looks at those green eyes, and his eyes softens a bit. Nothing in the world has the deepness of Dean's look, Sam recognizes it. Although his mind recognizes Dean fast, his heart is slower and still in denial. It is Dean, he suddenly recognizes and lets go of him. Then he feels too weak and overwhelmed to even hold the knife; it slips from his grasp, hitting the soft carpet besides their feet.

It feels like adream, it's too good to be real, but Sam pulls his big brother into a tight hug anyway, wrapping his arms around him firmly. It's not like he can always have such wonderful dreams. "Are you OK, Sam?" Dean asks him, and suddenly it feels so real. The overwhelming feeling rises to his eyes and he is driven to tears.

"I'm sorry Dean." And it's not just because a few moments ago he had Dean pined on the wall with a knife on his neck, he is truly sorry for every thing that has happened, he is sorry he couldn't save Dean from hell, he is sorry Dean went to hell for his sorry ass.

"It's OK Sam. I'm here now." Dean returns the hug tighter.

Bobby stands there enjoying the brother's reunion. God knows they have been through so much. He is so happy both boys are safe now. If he dies right now, he dies happy.

For a moment there are no regrets, no one thinks or worries about how Dean is out of hell.

"Uhhh… I guess I have to go now." The girl says sounding a little freaked out and awkward.

The brothers break their hug.

"Oh, yeah Kathy… thanks for coming." Sam says awkwardly.

"It's Kristy." The girl says before picking up her jacket of the bed and leaving.

"Your taste in girls has really improved since the last time I saw you." Dean teases with a grin.

Sam is just speechless. Here is Dean standing in front of him, cracking jokes at his every move like nothing had happened. Like he hasn't died for him and hasn't been in hell.

Sam brings his brother in a hug again. Despite what he expects Dean returns the hug genuinely. And yeah it takes hell for Dean to be a little soft.

This is the happiest scariest moment of Dean's life. Happy because he's off the hook, scary because he knows it comes with a catch.

"Dean, how did you get out?" Sam asks suddenly letting go of his brother to look him in the eye.

"Like you don't know, just tell me what did it cost?" Dean asks with a hint of anger in his voice.

"What?" Sam seems surprised and confused.

"Was it your soul or some thing worst?"

"Some thing worse?"

"Yeah. So what now, I'm off the hook and you're on? You're some demon bitch boy? I didn't want to be saved like this." Dean says trying hard to control his anger; this is not a time to be angry.

"Wait, slow down. You think I made a deal?" Sam asks.

"That's exactly what we think." Bobby puts in.

"Well, I didn't."

"Don't lie to me, Sam."

"I'm not lying."

Dean ignores him. "How could you do that? I sold my soul so you could have the life you always wanted to have, the life you never had."

"I said I didn't do it. Look, I admit it, I would have done it in a heart beat, but no one would make a deal with me. I'm sorry Dean, I tried every thing; hell, I even tried to open the hell's gate, but you still were burning in hell and I was just wasting my time in a wild goose chase. I'm sorry alright? But it wasn't me."

An uncomfortable silence follows.

Dean is the first one to break the silence. "It's OK, you don't need to apologize. It wasn't your fault… I'm just happy you're fine."

Speaking of fine, Sam coughs weakly in his fist, which is followed by several stronger ones and finally a coughing fit. He is breathless in a few seconds, the coughs don't let him breath, and they knock all the oxygen out of his lungs.

"Sam, Are you alright?" Dean asks worriedly.

Sam turns red in a few seconds, the veins on his neck start to pop up and swell beneath his skin. Dean picks a bottle of water, opens the cab and hands it to Sam who takes a sip and manages to control his coughing.

"Never been better." Sam says with full dimpled smile, that kind of smile that brightens a room.

_Oh God…! Sam still smiles like a four year old_, Dean thinks, and for a moment he lets himself to feel that maybe things are going to be alright for the first time in a long time.

Sam looks back at his brother and feels his brother is a little different. Dean is not complete without his amulet, it's part of who he is, so Sam hurriedly opens the amulet and hands it back to it's true owner.

**supernatural**

"So, if you didn't save me, then who did?" Dean sits on the chair in the middle of the room, beer bottle in hand. "Is it a demon?"

"Demons can't ditch any thing out of hell. Unless a deal is made, and as far as we know no one made a deal, besides why would they do that to their number one enemy?" Bobby says leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets.

"Then who did it?" Dean asks trying to hide his worry and fear.

"We have to figure it out fast, because some thing big is going on." Sam says.

"What is going on?" Asks Dean curiously.

Sam looks at Bobby nervously; they both know some thing scary has begun, the omens and signs are so obvious that even average hunters have noticed them. "There are signs of demonic activity all over the country and from what I know Lilith has her hands full. I'm not sure, but I think she is planning end of the world."

"How do you know about Lilith?" Dean asks.

"Uhh… I have… had my sources." And by sources he means Ruby.

"What kind of sources?" Dean asks suspiciously, Bobby looks at him kind of suspicious too.

"You know a few demons I interrogated and exorcised." Sam says awkwardly, knowing that if Dean knows about Ruby he will be pissed, and it is a little soon to piss his brother by telling him that he has been working with a demon.

"I say we have a lot of researching on our hands, what do you say we hit the road and go to my place to have a look at my books? We can figure out who dragged Dean out of hell and what Lilith's plans are."

Dean finishes his beer with one long last swing, stands up and grabs his jacket. "All I know is that I sooo miss driving my babe." He adds a grin at the end of his sentence.

**supernatural**

Sam would never think that he could ride in the impala with Dean again. It was heaven for him, the safest most relaxing place to be, because on the road it's hard to focus on any thing, especially his worries. Every passing tree, every passing rock, every passing sign distracts him and drags his negative thoughts with itself as it disappears behind. They just pass by every thing and every body, no need to stop or deal with any thing but the road. The impala on the road is just simply Sam's home.

Sam lets the weariness of his sickness and the peace of his brother's presence drag him under. He puts his head against the cold window and closes his eyes voluntarily for the first time in four months, the coolness of the window on his face is somehow pleasant and the sleep is so welcomed.

Dean is enjoying driving too. He also would never think that he could drive his car on the road with his brother at his side again. He glances at Sam's peacefully sleeping form from time to time nervously. He should be relaxed, but he has a strange feeling, like some thing is off, way off. He has some kind of bad feeling that he can't put his fingers on it. He feels that some thing is damaged in him, but he can't tell what, maybe his soul, he doesn't know. The silence in the impala is getting on his nerves. He needs some kind of distraction. He thinks about waking Sam up, but quickly dismisses it. Sam looks like hell, he is obviously sick and in the need of serious rest.

A few more minutes pass, the sun fully sets and it gets completely dark. Dean feels the pain in him growing, it feels worse at night, darkness brings him dark feelings. He feels a pit in him, which emits pain to his heart and he can't take it any more.

"Sam!"

"Yes," Sam jumps awake, startled. "What is it?" He stares with wide open eyes at his brother.

"Sorry, didn't want to startle you." Dean says apologetically.

"Is every thing OK?" Sam asks, blinking a few times.

"I'm getting a little sleepy here." He lies.

"Do you want me to take over?" Sam says rubbing off the drowsiness from his eyes.

"No, just talk with me a little." The light from the head light of a coming car casts on Sam's face and Dean can see that his face is glistering with sweat.

He can't help reaching out to Sam's forehead to check for a fever. Sam pats his hand away as soon as it comes to contact with his forehead, but Dean can feel that he is a little warm to the touch.

"I said I'm fine." Sam whines.

"And I didn't believe you."

"You're a jerk."

"And you're a bitch."

**supernatural**

The Winchester boys and Bobby have started researching right after dinner, and so far all they've got is that angels are the only ones capable and powerful enough to drag some one out of hell. 'Keep researching.' Dean has said incredulously, because in his dictionary of real things there isn't a word as angel. But the more they searched the more they became confident that an angel has helped Dean. Sam is this theory's number one fan.

"It's official Dean, you were saved by an angel." Sam says closing the large old book in front of him with a huff.

"I don't even believe that angels are real to begin with. And what's next? God is real too?" dean asks skeptically.

"This is not a matter of faith any more, Dean. It's the matter of evidence." Sam answers.

"OK, let's imagine angels are real, why would they want to save me. I may kill things and save people, but I'm no saint, that's for sure."

"You think you don't deserve to be saved?" Sam asks.

"What makes you think that I deserve to be saved out of countless good souls that are burning in hell?"

"Maybeee… maybe they saved you to do some thing for them." Sam tries to guess.

Dean snort like it is the most ridiculous thing he has ever heard. "What! I have a divine mission now? Give me a break, Sam." He gets and leaves for the bath room. "I'm going to take a shower."

"You should be happy to be saved by angels." _Believe me, it's better than having demons on your tail_, Sam shouts to Dean's back.

**supernatural**

After a few minutes of just standing under the hot water and enjoying the feel of water running down his body, Dean turns the tab off and steps out of the shower. For a moment he stares at his now flawless body. There are no scars on his skin, no bullet wounds, no knife scars or burns, not even the fading ones are there, his skin is as flawless and smooth as a baby's. He feels like a stranger in his own skin, it's right that he hated some of those old scars, but he loved some of them, they were things that made him Dean Winchester, a hunter. He feels that he has changed, and he doesn't like what he is seeing in the mirror. He likes what he was before more, and he doesn't know why.

Thinking about what Sam told him, he tries to distract himself. Is it possible to be saved by an angel? He asks himself again.

"_Angels are always going to take care of you, sweetheart." A heavily pregnant Mary told Dean as she tucked his blanket._

"_Mom, All of the angels are men? Do we have woman angels?" Dean asked with his childish curiosity._

_Mary smiled at his four year old son and his imagination. "Well I guess there are both man angels and woman angels… The only thing I know for sure is that every little kid like you has a guardian angel to take care of him." She kissed Dean on the forehead lovingly._

"_I'm not little." Dean said sleepily then yawned and closed his eyes slowly. _

Dean stared at his reflection in the mirror as his memory flashed before his eyes. His mother believed in angels, and would always talk about them and how they take care of people, Dean doesn't believe in them. If there are angels and a God, why they didn't help her when she burned on the sealing, why they didn't help his father when he was burning in hell, why they didn't help Sam when that bastard stabbed him in the back, or when he was torn apart literally by hell hounds? Where are the angels when evil things kill people, he hasn't seen any angel or God helping them. If there is a God, he doesn't care about them.

**supernatural**

It's four in the morning and Dean has been trying to sleep for two hours now after his shower. He is tired, but the dark hole in him makes him feel nervous and empty, he can't go the sleep. Sam is sleeping next to him, he is tossing and turning every few minutes, Dean wonders if he really is sleeping.

When he is sure Sam is sleeping he grabs his jacket and goes out for a walk, any thing to distract him.

He walks through the rusty cars and scraps in the salvage yard, until he climbs of a car and sits on the hood. Leaning on the windshield, he stares into the deep of the sky and watches the stars, trying hard to calm himself down and put off the fire that is burning the inside out of his soul.

All of a sudden he sees a star growing larger and larger as if it's coming down to him. He jumps off the hood, alert. The growing star is like a comet with a long tail. He pulls himself back when he feels that it's coming his way.

When the extremely shining object hits the ground a few feet from him, he expects it to explode into million pieces. He covers his head and face between his arms, almost falling back on his butt as he tries to get away from it. But nothing happens, no explosion, no sound, just a blast of bright light that dies in a few seconds. Dean looks from behind his arms to see a human like figure in a half sitting position, his right hand on the ground. He slowly rises to his feet and looks Dean straight in the eye.

Dean whispers a curse. "Who the hell are you?" He asks panting.

"My name is Castiel." The figure says in a calm voice. He is a man in mid thirties, blue eyes and short blond hair, wearing a tie and a trench coat.

"I didn't ask for your name. I mean what are you?"

"I am an angel of God." The angel answers with the same calmness and a serious expression.

"Oh, yeah. And I'm Betty White." Dean would burst into laughs if it isn't because of the stern look on the angel's face.

"You don't believe in angels." The angel takes a few steps forward and Dean takes a few steps backward.

"Sorry, but I only believe in what I see."

"Your brother has demon blood in him, yet he has more faith than you."

"Shut up, my brother doesn't have any thing in him." He says hastily in anger.

A sudden and loud sound like the fluttering of wings, an abrupt breeze on Dean's face and the angel is standing there with a set of huge wings on his back. The white wings are swaying in the air a little, and Dean can see the feathers being lift up in the air with the mild wind that is blowing.

And now Dean really freaks out.

"God has works for you, Dean Winchester." The grave angel says.

"What works?"

"There is a war coming. Demons want to free Lucifer and bring on the apocalypse. You should try to stop them before they break Lucifer out of his cage. The darkness is rising, you should be ready."

Another explosion of light and the angel is gone as fast as he came.

Dean stands there thunderstruck listening to the hard, cold silence that the angel left behind, before he runs to the Bobby's house and to Sam.

**supernatural**

"Sam, wake up!" Dean shakes Sam hard.

Sam moans pitifully before opening his eyes.

"You OK?" Dean asks still panting from the fast running.

"You keep waking me like that and I won't be fine any more." Sam sits on the bed with a sigh.

"This is not a good time to whine, Sam."

"I'm not whining." He whines.

"Sure you don't, but that's not important right now." Dean sits on the bed beside Sam. "I saw an angel."

"What?" Sam throws his feet over the side of the bed and turns on the small lamp on the night stand.

"I mean he said he was an angel, and he had these huge wings, he said his name was Sastiel, but I didn't believe him. He even said God has works for me to do. Can you believe it?" Dean said breathlessly.

"You mean Castiel?"

"Oh, yeah! Castiel. How do you know?"

"It's the angel of Wednesday. He Listens to people prays on Thursdays and takes care of those who are born on Wednesday like a guardian angel."

"You are such a geek Sam." Dean says disgustedly.

"Dean you were born on Wednesday." Sam says excitedly.

"Forget it, I think I was just dreaming."

"And how did you know Castiel is the angel of Wednesday?"

Dean is silent for a moment looking down at the floor. "I don't know man. Our life is weird. I mean we have barley recovered from our last problem that we are hit in the gut by another one, bigger than the last one." He says in a sad voice. "I have enough problems as it is."

The way Dean talks makes Sam sure there is some thing wrong with him. "Dean, are you OK?"

"It's hell, Sam."

"You said you didn't remember any thing about hell. Do you, Dean?"

Dean gives a long labored sigh. "I don't remember it, but I can feel it… it's like there is a hole in you that makes you feel, you know… empty." The moment he says it, it sounds so ridiculous. "You know what! Just forget it, I'll be fine." He says quickly and rises up to go to his bed.

Sam grabs him by his wrist and pulls him down to sit on the bed again. "I know how it feels Dean." He starts in low voice. "It's a small hole in you that just keeps getting darker and deeper. You keep telling yourself it's OK and you are fine, but at some point you realize you are not. That's when you feel this deep bloody wound on your soul, a wound that instead of healing keeps getting worse and worse…" He pauses, "You just have to find a way to deal with it."

"Have you found a way?" Dean asks.

Sam doesn't answer.

Dean can see his brother's eyes getting wet, but he manages to keep himself at the verge of tears.

"Sam, are you OK?" Dean says with concern.

Sam can't bring himself to answer. He coughs a few times, but other than that he remains quite. He is obviously not ok, and for the first time Dean notices how congested he sounds and how sick he looks.

He puts his palms on Sam's forehead gently, this time Sam doesn't protest.

"You're burning up."

"I'll be fine. Don't worry."

"Don't worry? How long have you been sick?" Dean feels a little guilty because this whole time Sam has been under his very nose and he hasn't notice how sick he is. "Lay down, we gotta take your fever down." Dean orders.

It feels good to have your over protective brother back, Sam smiles as Dean helps him slide under the heavy blanket.

**What Doesn't Kill Me Makes me Stronger**

Dean spends the rest of the night and half of the fallowing day taking care of Sam. Sam's fever is high and his coughs are pretty bad. A few times his coughing fits are so bad he almost passes out from lack of oxygen, but all the Tylenol and ice finally works.

Around noon Dean puts his hand on Sam's forehead under the mop of his hair, relived to feel no trace of the fever there. Dean knows his brother is still far from recovery, his breathing is still heavy and troubled, but resting will definitely help.

When Sam's fever breaks Dean feels content and not fully empty any more, like he has a purpose in life again, like his life is worth some thing. And he knows for sure as far as he has Sam's beside him, he will be alright, they both will be, because what doesn't kill you makes you stronger after all.

Although he can't help being worry about what Castiel said about his brother, he lets it go for now, because right now they should focus on the apocalypse the angel warned them about.

**TBC**

**NEXT CHAPTER: Secrets of a Lonely Heart**

**So if Dean believes angels are real he has to believe there is some thing evil in his brother. Dean loves his brother, but will he trust him more than an angel. Sam has been keeping a few secrets, secrets he thinks he can keep for ever, but can he?**

**Comments, criticism, suggestions and reviews are welcomed. Let me know how you liked it :) Thanks in advance.**


	3. The Rise of Darkness

**Dean's trust is on shaky ground, Can Sam win his big brother's trust back before it's too late? **

**The Rise of Darkness**

"Well, we knew some thing big was going on, now we know demons want to bring the apocalypse by freeing their god, Lucifer. How?... We still don't know." Sam says, looking at Dean for answers.

"Don't look at me, it's all that angel said."

Sam sighs. "We don't even know where Lucifer is imprisoned. For all we know it can be some where we have no access to, you know, like hell."

"Then I guess you need all my demonology books." Bobby puts in before leaving to go after some books.

"Speaking of books, I guess our great researcher minds here need nourishment. I'll go get some thing for dinner." Dean says, grabbing his jacket and picking up Impala's keys.

"Let me go for dinner." Sam gets up and extends his arm demanding the keys.

Dean prefers staying in the warmth of the house to driving in night's cold weather, but he isn't in the mood of some old books either. "No, I don't want you get yourself sick in this cold weather."

"I won't get sick." Dean gives him a very suspicious look. "Look, I just need a fresh mind to get all the research done."

Dean hands the keys after thinking a few brief moments. "OK, but you get sick and I'm not going to take care of your sorry ass _again_."

Sam gets the keys with a triumph smile. "Yes, you will."

"I'm serious, Sam!" Dean threatens.

"Me too." Sam answers with a little bit of a mischievous smile.

"Don't forget to bring me some pie." Dean calls after him.

The cold air of outside rushes in as soon as Sam opens the door, he closes the door behind him and tries not to breathe in much of the cold air, he know it'll make his chest hurt and cough, Dean is watching him like a hawk like all the times he's sick. He settles in the car and turns the heat on. Bringing out his cell phone, he dials a number immediately.

"Hello!" Someone answers.

"Ruby, meet me at the dinner in town in half an hour." He hangs up and starts the car instantly, speeding away hurriedly.

Watching from the window is Dean with a suspicious gaze. His big brother instincts are telling him some thing is just not right, but he can only watch his little brother speed away in a rush.

**supernatural**

"That's a lot of books, Bobby." Dean says, trying his best not to sound whiny. He is carrying a few old dusty and not to mention heavy books down stairs.

Bobby is behind him, also carrying a few ragged books. "You nag as much as an old hag."

"I'm not nagging, just saying that we don't have enough time."

"Don't worry, I already know a lot of things that's in there. We just have to check a few parts."

"I sure…" Dean drops the bulky books on the living room table with a huff, "…hope so."

"Remember that old book I gave Sam, when your father was still alive?" Bobby asks searching among the books.

"The one about demons?"

Bobby gives the younger man a look. "No, the one with pink ribbons and rainbows on it!"

"Oh, that one." Dean plays along, nodding perceptively he heads to their room. Sam's duffel is the first place he looks in, but he can't find any thing, so he goes to Sam's back pack, his brother keeps their dad's journals, some books, and his notes there.

"There you are." He pulls the not very small book out of the backpack with a satisfied smile, but some thing else comes up with it too, a small vial which falls out of the backpack directly on the hard floor.

Dean puts the book on the bed to pick up the small bottle. Examining the sanguine thick liquid in it, he recognizes it as blood. In their line of work they use blood some times; like dead man blood which is used on vampires, but they keep these kinds of thing in a special box in the truck.

Dean opens the bottle curiously and smells the content, almost instantly the noisome odor of sulfur fills his nostrils. _Demon blood?_

_Your brother has demon blood in him, yet he has more faith than you._

Dean's mind wanders to last night and what the angel said. He can't trust a freak with wings more than his own brother, he doesn't even know whether he is going to see the freak again or not. But he needs his trust in Sam, he is the only thing that's left for Dean and he would never consume demon blood in any way, his brother may be a freak with some freaky powers but he doesn't have demon blood in can give him that much credit. He tries to ignore the voice that echoes in his head constantly, but the pesky thought hangs at the back of his mind despite his effort.

He can't deny that he is worry for his little brother; he doesn't know what Sam has been doing in last few months; who he's been with, and what he has been doing, Sam's hastily departure to town doesn't make him feel comfortable either.

At the moment Dean tries not to fuss over Sam too much, but the protective big brother that he is he can't help having an eye on Sam, just to be sure. Maybe he can talk with Bobby about it, it occurs to him for a moment. But no, he decides against it, Winchesters always keeps thing secret and say nothing until they can't keep it secret any more.

**supernatural**

"You sure you ready to do this?" Ruby asks.

"I'll try." Sam answers in a stern voice, gathering all his power. There is a powerful urge in him which tells him he must save this woman in front of him. Maybe some thing good could come out of this evil thing in him after all.

Ruby rolls her eyes, not really taking Sam serious. "Just try not to pass out like last time."

The demon Sam is about to exorcise is possessing a woman in her mid thirties, Ruby has tied her tightly to a wooden chair. "Yeah be careful, we don't want you to hurt yourself." She laughs confidently.

"I'd be more worry about you." Sam tries his best to sound threatening.

"You think you scare me boy? You don't. Awww, how cute! I mean who can't love a very handsome hunter with demonic blood in him who innocently thinks he can save the world?" The demon mocks him with a creepy smirk. "When you join the dark side here; I'll be one of the firsts to join you, I love naive innocent peoples." She gives Sam a sweet smile.

Ruby hit the demon in the head not so hard, just to shut her up.

"Don't let her distract you, you should be always focused. Lose your concentration and you'll be dead in a fraction of a second. You hear me Sam?"

Sam raises his hand determined and firm, trying hard to focus on the demon and on his powers. He must do it, he must save this innocent life. Every one deserves to be saved, even him. He wishes he could be saved some day too.

Energy quivers in his hand, it moves stealthily up to his arm. The demon shakes a little bit.

_Focus Sam, focus. _Sam orders himself. _Focus on saving._

The demon coughs and black smoke sprouts out of her mouth and nose, but there is still so much darkness to come out of the body. The more force the young psychic uses, the more painful it gets, but Sam is so stubborn, he won't stop until the exorcism is complete. The pain won't stop him as long as the murky smoke is still flowing out.

Ruby watches Sam as he struggles with the demon and the pain. He is holding his breath and his lips are turning blue.

"Sam, breath!" Ruby orders.

Sam takes in a shaky breath, but it hitches half way in his throat.

Ruby shakes her head in disappointment. Sam is weaker than Ruby's liking. But at the end Winchester stubbornness wins and Sam finishes the exorcism. He lowers his arm tiredly, gulping in air voraciously.

Ruby unties the unconscious woman.

"Is she OK?" Sam asks panting.

"She'll be fine."

It's all Sam has to know, that the woman will be with her family tonight. The tired Winchester turns to leave. "I have to go, I'm so late. Dean is going to kill me."

"Sam!" Ruby calls, "I got a lead on Lilith, I'm going to need your help."

"I won't help you until I talk to my brother."

"Dean?" Ruby says incredulously. "You know he hates me, he would never let you work with me."

"Sorry, but he is my brother. I can't go behind his back and…"

"And what? Save people? Isn't it what you want?"

"I won't do any thing without Dean anymore, even if it's saving the world. And that's final."

"Dean doesn't understand you, he'll be freaked out by your powers and what you've been doing."

Sam closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, he doesn't know if Dean doesn't understand him what he would do, but he is so tired to care right now, a headache is already throbbing in his head, so he leaves without another word, leaving Ruby fuming in anger.

Ruby knows that Sam will never choose her over his brother, if she doesn't make him.

**Dude, where is the pie?**

Sam stops the Impala in front of Bobby's porch, grabs the now cold bags of food and heads inside.

"There you are. Where have you been? Did you go to buy a hamburger or raise a calf to make one?" Dean asks irritably.

"Sorry. It was a little crowded." Sam says looking at his shoes as he strolls to his brother. Such a lame lie, any thing but the truth is good for now, because he hasn't found a way to talk with his brothers about his powers.

But Dean knows, he is a _lie expert_ and he just knows it. Sam never looks someone he knows directly in the eye when he lies, it's the way he has been for the last twenty year and he hasn't change a bit.

Sam sits heavily on the empty chair at the table, careful not to narrow or shut his eye in pain, so Dean can't detect his headache. "Did you find any thing?"

"Not much, just that Lucifer is jailed in a cage that is sealed with 666 seals."

"Wow, so it shouldn't be that easy to set him free."

"Not that much, you just need to break 66 seals to open the cage." Dean adds.

"Oh." Why he thought that it might be easy. "Do we know what these seals are or where they are?"

"Nope." Dean says as he rummages in the food bags.

"Of course not. Why am I not surprise!"

"Dude, where is the pie?" Dean says with a hurt face.

"Dean, don't pout for a pie." Sam teases, trying to brazen it out.

Sam can't tell if he is out of the woods or not. Guess not, because Dean gives him a surprised worried look which seems kind of funny.

"Sam… you're bleeding." Dean says with concern evident in his voice.

Sam instantly touches his nose and his fingers come back bloody.

"Sam, why are you so sick?" Dean asks, genuinely wondering what is going on with his pain in the ass little brother.

Sam hurries to Bobby's bathroom. Looks like he is out of the woods for now.

**Supernatural**

Back in the abandoned storage place Ruby is preparing an altar in a corner on a small old table when the previously possessed woman starts to wake up. After drawing the symbols and lighting six previously used candles, she goes back to the woman that is now fully conscious and tied to the chair once more. The woman looks at Ruby thankfully, she knows exactly what has been happening.

"Thanks." The woman rasps out.

"Don't thank me yet." Ruby says coldly. Taking out her demon killing knife, she slits the woman's throat in a swift and skillful move. The poor woman starts to choke on her blood before having a chance to comprehend what is going on. Ruby picks up a heavy metal bowl with uncanny symbols carved all around it from the altar, and holds it beneath the flowing blood, grasping the woman's head with her other hand to keep her head in place. The open gush starts bleeding more profusely when Ruby yanks the woman's head back. The blood pools in the bowl steadily, when Ruby is satisfied with the amount of blood in her bowl she lets go of the woman's hair with a slight push, the body falls on the ground slowly but surely with a loud thud.

The wicked demoness puts the bowl on the small table and begins to spin the rapidly clotting blood with his finger. The blood starts to spin on its own after a few spins, Ruby takes out her finger and gets ready to talk to her master.

"You were right about Sam Winchester," Ruby says into the bowl. "The more he uses his powers the more he craves blood. Dean coming back won't change any thing; Sam is still willing to use his powers." Ruby says with a very self-satisfied smile.

**supernatural**

Sam loves the peace of Bobby's house at night. When he knows every one he loves is safe in their beds, when every where is so quite you may think even the evil is at rest. It's when you can reflex on the things that have happened during the day.

Sam thinks about his brother and his miraculous saving, and then he thinks about what he has to tell Dean. If Dean knows what he has been doing, he is going to be freaked out; he has been always freaked out by Sam's powers. For Dean Sam's powers is a reminder of why an evil force is always after him. Sam sighs and turns to his side. He feels guilty because he knows he is going to some how upset Dean, but he sleeps with a seemingly clear conscience for he knows today he saved a woman who had a family and she is now safe with those she loves.

Every life counts, every one he can save, He repeats to himself before he drifts to sleep slowly.

Dean on the other hand has a harder time sleeping, the crimson liquid in the vial is the only thing he can see when he closes his eyes.

_You should save your brother, and if you couldn't… if you couldn't you have to kill him._

Dean wishes the pillow on his ears could block his father's voice, but no, he is stuck with his father's last sentence for eternity. Sam is cursed and he is cursed by a cursed younger brother.

**supernatural**

The uneasy night passes like every other night. Dean has had enough of them to get use to them by now. Slowly he turns to his back as he stretches all his limbs to get rid of stiffness. He looks casually at his left to see Sam, he is not there.

Dean came down stairs after cleaning up and brushing his teeth, expecting to find Sam there. Sam isn't there either.

"Where is Sam, Bobby?" Dean asks as he sits at the table in the kitchen.

Bobby puts a big cup of coffee he's been making on the table for Dean. "He left early, said he'd be back in a few hours."

"Where did he go?" Dean asks with a deep frown.

"Do I look like I know?"

"Did he eat any thing?"

"No, he left in a hurry."

Dean is a little angry, Sam is getting more and more mysterious and he has failed to keep an eye on his younger brother. Now is a really good time to be worry, Dean thinks. This disappearing acts Sam is performing can't be good in any way.

"What's going on between you and your brother, boy?"

"Nothing." Dean says a little fast, so bobby knows _nothing_ is not the whole truth. "Why?"

Bobby takes a sip of his hot black coffee. "I am getting the feeling that you two are not telling me some thing." He puts his mug on the table and looks Dean in the eye.

"I'm not hiding any thing, it's Sam. I don't know what he's up to."

"So why don't you ask him?"

That can be done, Bobby has a point. Sam doesn't lie to him, but he is pretty good at hiding things. One thing's for sure he is going to figure out what Sam is up to one way or another when he comes back.

**You Are Hope**

Sam is waiting at the side of the road when Ruby pulls over in front of him and gets out of her big, black car. "Ruby I told you, I'm not gonna work with you any more until I talk to Dean."

"Oh, I know _my brother and I are a team_ crap. If you are such a good team and tell each other every thing, why haven't you talked to him? Sam, you're scared to talk to your brother, admit it."

"Well, that's none of your damn business. It's between me and my brother, I think I can handle it."

Ruby ignores Sam. If he is here, he is not totally unwilling to help. "You're here now, and I need your help."

"No you don't."

"I got a lead on some demons and I need your help to hunt them down and exorcise them."

"I can't help you."

"Look, we are talking about some possessed innocent people here. You know that you may be their last hope. I can kill the demons with my knife, but they won't survive it."

"I know, but I can't help you."

"You can't or you won't?"

"I can't. I feel like crap after last night's exorcist. Some thing is wrong with me."

Ruby knows exactly what is wrong with the young Winchester and why he feels wrong, but she has plans and she feels she is getting closer and closer to get what she wants. "There is nothing wrong with you. You can do it. Trust me, Sam."

Sam wants to help people. Saving people is the only thing which makes him feel like his old self. If there is even a small chance he can help somebody, he is willing to try. On the other hand he knows he has to talk to Dean first. God! If only it wasn't so hard.

"So what's it gonna be?" Ruby asks. "Are you going to help these people or what?"

"We better finish it quickly. Dean is going to be pissed if I'm late again." Sam opens the car's door and gets in the passenger seat. Ruby gets behind the wheel, careful to hide his triumph smile from a very worried Sam.

It's about four in the afternoon and Dean has called Sam's cell for one hundredth time. He is seriously mad at his pain in the ass little brother. Sam has gone too far this time, he was supposed to be back hours ago and he isn't answering his cell. Dean dials Sam's number one more time as he is pacing Bobby's small living room anxiously like a caged animal. Sam is so dead if Dean can just find him.

_Sam's cell, leave a massage. _

"Damn it, I'm gonna kill you Sam, especially if you are in trouble." Dean hangs up and puts his cell back in his pocket. Opening Sam's laptop, he starts to work fast to find Sam by the GPS on his cell phone then hunt him down and kick his ass very hard for disappearing like this.

It takes only a few minutes, Dean traces Sam's cell, he is out of a residential area out of town. It probably isn't more than a one hour drive. Dean doesn't even bother to turn the laptop off. He just grabs his leather jacket and his car keys before leaving. "Bobby, I'm going after Sam." He yells before getting out and shutting the door.

"Call me if you need any thing." Bobby answers from the kitchen. The old man is worry too. Weather Sam has a good reason to disappear or not, it just isn't going to end well.

It takes almost two hours for Dean to find a deserted woodshop in the green area Sam must be in. Dean has to park the Impala in a distance, because the road ends at a distance. Immediately Dean goes to the truck and chooses a few weapons that he thinks may come handy.

He approaches the decrepit building cautiously with his hunter flair, careful not to make the slightest noise as he walks on damp decaying leaves on the ground until he gets to the first workshop. He tries to peer inside from the small window, but it's so dirty he can hardly see, so he goes to the next one. He looks inside from a hole in the broken glass. He sees his brother inside talking to someone else. Dean recognizes the other person as the girl who was with Sam when they first found him. There is also a young man with tied hands in a devil trap.

dean wants to break in and asks Sam what the hell is going on in there, but he hesitates for a moment and that's when he sees Ruby's demon killing knife in the girls hand, that son of a bitch must be Ruby, he thinks. Asking Sam his ass, he is going to understand what Sam has been doing right here right now, and then he is going to rip that son of a bitch, Ruby, limb from freaking limb.

As he watches silently at the window his anger builds up. He can't hear what his brother and Ruby are talking about, so he breaks in quietly and watches Sam from behind him as he raises his hand and exorcises the demon with his bare hands. Dean can only watch as the horrifying act happens before his very eyes.

_Your brother has demon blood in him…_

"Sam." It's the only thing that his stunned mind can muster to say.

_Are you sure what you brought back is one hundred percent Sam? _

He was so optimistic to believe his brother didn't have any thing to do with demon blood. He feels betrayed, feels like a moron. He has failed his father, failed to save Sam. Exorcising demons with your bare hands is definitely black art and if Sam can do it, it must have some thing to do with demon blood he found in his backpack. How could he let it happen under his very nose? How he let Sam to turn into a monster?

**NEXT CHAPTER: I Don't Wanna Hurt You Anymore**

**Unfortunately those we love can hurt us more than any stranger.**

**Please review, it means more than you think.**


	4. I Don't Wanna Hurt You Anymore

**Hi everybody, first of all so so so sorry for taking so long to update. I don't give any excuses you have the right to hate me all you want. Thanks god I don't have so many readers or I'd be hated so much :D**

**Now just coz I took so long to update there is a summary to refresh your memory. **

THEN:** Dean is in hell and Sam is trying to drag him out of hell at any cost. He is ill and has had a chest infection for months, but not giving up yet. In his last attempt Sam tries to find a crossroad demon and switch places with Dean. The demon won't make a deal and Sam faints trying to exorcize her with his mind. Ruby who is stalking Sam everywhere saves him and brings him to a motel. When Sam wakes up the demon tells him that if he drinks blood he can be much more powerful and even save his brother. At first Sam is disgusted with the idea, but when Ruby argues that drinking demon blood can't be worse than going to hell and Sam was willing to go to hell for Dean.**

**Sam is on the verge of using demon blood, not knowing that an angel has already saved Dean from hell. Dean tracks his brother down and meets him in the motel room with Ruby who he doesn't recognize. **

**The brothers soon begin to investigate to find out who has saved Dean and they can only find one answer, an angel. Dean refuses to accept that he has been saved by an angel, but the angel comes to him at the middle of the night ant tells him that he has a divine mission for him, he also points out that Sam has demon blood in him, but has more faith than Dean. The elder Winchester denies it, but he can't shake what that angel told about his brother.**

**Despite being sick Sam uses every chance to sneak out and meet Ruby. She tries to make Sam cooperate her by raising his emotions and telling him that people need his help. She also finds out that the more Sam uses his powers the more he craves Demon blood and she reports to her superior that Sam is about to drink blood.**

**On the other hand Dean accidentally finds a vial of demon blood which Ruby has given Sam and gets very suspicious. He decides to follow Sam and he finds his brother with Ruby exorcizing a demon. Little do the brothers know that not communicating and keeping secrets can lead to. **

**NOW:** "Dean, I can explain."

"Explain what?... you hypocrite son of a bitch!" Dean's answer bears nothing but exasperation. "What have you done?..." H e continues, trying to calm down a little. "How could you do this to me?" He exasperation turns into a desperate disbelief.

"Dean, please…"

"I'll be damned to hell if I don't kill you right here right now with my bare hands." Dean says angrily, for a moment Sam thinks _oh God, Dean is really going to kill him_, but when Dean darts furiously toward Ruby, Sam recognizes his brother wasn't talking to him, he almost sighs in relief.

Ruby on the other hand isn't so relieved, and of course she isn't going to just stand there so Dean attacks him like an angry werewolf gnashing his teeth. Using his unnatural demonic strength Ruby manages to pine Dean to a wall and stop his rash.

Sam is quick to come in between.

"Dean, please, we gotta talk." He says yanking Ruby's hand from his brother's collar.

"You bet we gotta talk, but first let me get rid of this peace of annoying sticky filthy piece of garbage first."

Sam doesn't remember if he has ever seen his brother in this much anger, but deep down he is not that much surprised. Dean has every right to be angry; it's exactly what Sam has been expecting from his over protective older brother. He struggles between Ruby and his brother, having a hard time keeping them separated.

"Ruby, take the man and go." Sam barks the order at the demon once he untangles his brother from her.

When Ruby takes the almost unconscious man outside and the two brothers hear his SUV speeding away Sam lets go of Dean or rather Dean manages to push him off him.

For a moment Dean just stares at him with wide shocked eyes panting harshly. Sam stands before him and holds his angry gaze for a moment. The young Winchester is stuck in a very hard situation, how he is going to explain this to Dean he has no idea after thinking it over for so long.

"Dean, I just wanted to help people… to help you." Sam begins in a low voice with a silent pleading going on in his eyes, begging Dean to understand, but his brother is too angry to notice those expectant eyes.

"So, that is your piss poor excuse? You go behind my back and… and…" He stammers, Sam using demon blood is not some thing that can be uttered out loud. "…and this is you excuse! Haven't you figure out that I didn't save your ass, so you turn into a monster? You dumb ass!" Dean words rises in volume with every word, he has never been so desperate in his life before.

Sam winces at his brother's sharp words; he can't believe Dean just called him a monster. Dean would usually call him a freak, but how could he call him a monster? All his high hopes crash down on him like a huge collapsing skyscraper, and he is crushed mercilessly underneath those high hopes.

"Dean, I'm not a monster." Sam whispers in a pained voice.

"You have demon blood in you, damn it! How it doesn't make you a monster?" Dean shouts back with resentment.

Sam can feel the bitterness and disgust that is pouring out of his brother's words. How Dean knows about the demon blood is more than he can figure out in this moment of despair.

"What I have done to deserve this, huh Sam!" Dean continues to send his hatred toward his young brother in waves.

Sam defends himself in a soft voice, almost inaudible, "It's not like it's my fault."

_Are you sure that what you brought back is one hundred percent Sam._

Azazel's voice taunts the elder hunter once again. Dean smiles sadly. "Yeah, you're right, it's not your fault, it's my damn fault! I should have never brought you back, how could I be so stupid?... What's dead should stay dead." He reminds himself of a lesson that he learned so painfully and he desperately ignored at the end when it came to his own brother, to his Sam. "It was my fault." He adds coldly.

Sam doesn't know what to say or how he can even make things alright between his brother and himself again. He knows that his brother is absolutely right to blame him for all that had happened, but still he can only think of one resolution. "I'm sorry." Tears well up in his eyes as he looks at Dean with shame and guilt in his teary eyes.

Dean gives him a look like _really Sam, is that all you have to offer after all this?_ The question goes silence, but Sam can read it all over his brother's face, in his eyes.

And yes the answer is yes, it's all Sam can afford.

Dean just shakes his head in disgust and disappointment; he turns to leave, not being able to stand his brother for another second. He is disgusted with this stranger who is standing face to face with him; this stranger who has taken his innocent brother from him and has left him with a monster.

Sam runs after him and grabs him by wrist. Dean has to understand him, because if he doesn't Sam just won't be able to fight this curse anymore. Dean has always supported him and has loved him unconditionally; maybe he can count on a little sympathy this time too.

Sam doesn't expect what Dean gives him at all.

Dean is disappointed and angry and worst of all he feels betrayed, and it's a feeling he is experiencing for the first time in his life, his family has always got his back and he has always protected his family no matter what, this new kind of pain angers him beyond endurance.

He throws a punch at Sam the moment Sam spins him around. It catches Sam by surprise and he falls on the ground ungracefully, butt first. The impact is hard enough to leave the younger Winchester stunned for a few seconds, he rubs the sharp pain in his jaw to sooth it a little.

It is a very emotional moment for both of the Winchesters. They are both desperate to get their feelings out and all the things that have gone untold between them for so long.

"Don't you touch me any more, you filthy son of a bitch." Dean shouts, and he is so mad he can hardly breathe right.

The older Winchester turns to leave again.

Sam can't hear much of what his brothers says over the buzz in his ears, just some thing like _you filthy something_.

The fallen Winchester blinks rapidly a few times to clear his blurry vision. "Dean! Please."

Sam is smart enough to know that Dean is fuming and when he is angry the wise thing is to keep his distance from him. But the thing is he needs his brother right now, he has to make him understand that maybe he is a freak, but he never wanted to get their parents killed or be tainted with demon blood, so he desperately reaches out and grabs Dean's leg in a very desperate attempt to make Dean understand. This time he is rewarded with a kick in his rib cage. His body lurches back with the impact, pain paralyzes his already aching lungs. Maybe he has to give up on Dean right now.

Too late.

Dean starts to kick him repeatedly and Sam never has a chance to defend himself, fight back, or even shield the kicks properly.

"You bloodsucker!" Dean says with a kick. "You just have been living on me like a parasite. You're not my brother anymore." Dean kicks him harder.

Sam would say he is sorry if he gets a chance, but Dean doesn't give him a chance. He aims Sam's chest to kick him again but he misses it and it lands on Sam's face. The impact is so brutal; Dean can almost feel Sam's face crushing under his heavy boot. Then he recognizes that maybe he is going too far, his protective big brother in him kicks in and he calms down a little.

Sam lies flat on his back just cradling his aching face and waiting for the dizziness to pass. Dean's emotional break down proves that Sam should have never used his powers or expected Dean to understand that he is a freak with demon blood.

Slowly he turns to his side and uses his right hand as a leverage to sit up. Sharp pains sears throw his body as he stands on shaky legs. "If you're so sure I'm a monster, why don't you kill me right now. You promised dad you would, didn't you?" Sam says as blood drips from a long gash on his lower lip mixing with another trail coming down from the corner of his eyes. The taste of blood in his mouth is making him sick, but this has to end now, once for all. He can't go on like this anymore; it's too hard to live when Dean thinks he is monster.

_You should save your brother, and if you couldn't… if you couldn't you have to kill him._

In that moment Dean recognized he has failed to save Sam despite all his efforts, and dear Lord! It's the saddest moment of his life, even sadder than when Sam died in his arms. He takes out his pistol. It's like his trembling hands are thinking on their own.

He aims at Sam.

Sam looks shocked, but he doesn't move or try to get out of the situation in any way. If Dean believes that he is monster and should die, then he believes it too, so the sooner he dies the better.

Dean hesitates to pull the trigger. The hurting hunter knows although the man standing in front of him looks like his brother and has the same puppy-dog-eyes and the same hurt face, he is not his brother. He is a blood sucking bastard who sucks demon blood for power. The Sammy he knew would never do that, he died in Cold Oak. Jake killed his brother and he brought back a monster. _Sorry Sammy, it's all my fault._

In the end Dean knows that he can never pull the trigger, _he rather dies_, but he can't drop the gun either. Tears prick his eyes, his father has ordered him. His lower lip trembles and a shining tear drops off his eye lid on his face, leaving a wet trail as it ends up on his shirt.

"You're not even worth the bullet." He lowers his gun eventually. "Just go some where I can never see you again." Dean's heart's broken and he just wants to get away from the one who broke it so hard.

Sam is hurt too, maybe worse. The pain Sam is feeling inside kills something in him, he can feel it die in agony. Somehow he could have handled the truth that his father ordered his older brother to kill him until now, but now he suddenly finds it so unbearable, so unfair. He has done nothing in his life to deserve this.

"If you can't do it, why did you promise dad? I know you can do it." Maybe what died in him moments before was his brotherly feelings, because for the first time in his life he doesn't care if what he says hurts Dean, although he doesn't say it to hurt his brother.

Except it does hurt Dean, because next thing Sam knows he is pushed by a very angry Dean, looks like he hurt Dean bad.

Sam falls down on a pile of decaying lumber which are probed against the wall behind him. A searing pain races through his body from his right side as he hits the wood pile and ends up on the floor among the broken pieces of wood. A cloud of dust pollutes the air.

Then it's silent again, a cold heavy silence, Sam can hear Dean's harsh breathing in the freezing unresolved silence. He would stand up again if he could, but his body is paralyzed by pain and exhaustion after taking so much beating, and he wasn't completely healthy to begin with.

Sam watches silently as his brother gets away from him, farther and farther, it's like with every step Dean takes he expect him to turn and help him to get up, but Dean never does.

The fallen and broken Winchester closes his eyes in disappointment when the older Winchester takes one last step and gets out of the woodshop.

Sam wants to die; this pain of Dean leaving him is more than he can take. It's the end of the road for him, he has no hope any more, he must die. He curls up into himself as much as his battered body allows him, waiting for death to claim him once again. Sam has had so many terrible days in his young life, but he never before wished for death, all because he knew Dean never could go on without him. Now all he wants is to die and be out of all his miseries for good, to be wiped out from the face of earth for ever.

With every passing moment his pains intensifies, new kinds of pain come to surface as the initial shock passes and his senses starts to work again. Pains of all kind attack him viciously.

They say before dying you see your whole life flashes before you. It happens for Sam too. As the reality around him turns fuzzy, his memories get more vivid.

He sees himself as a baby, a four year old Dean and his mother kissing him good night and his father saying good night to him with a lovely smile. A smile creeps to his own lips too, but it dies young when he sees the yellow eyes over his crib and he is so young to even know what is going on, he just knows he doesn't like this stranger looking at him hungrily and cries. He wishes he had never cried that night so his mother hasn't come to his room. He lives his worth memory once again, watching Mary bleed over him as she bursts into flames. It's so brutal to watch when you are only six months old.

This bitter memory morphs into other memories from his childhood. He remembers his father and brother every time in a different town in a different room in a different bed; a different home. He remembers the first time he noticed that other families were not like them, funny that later on he became to recognize that others were not different it was his family which was different.

As he passed his first years of life he started to wonder why he didn't have a mother, he remembers how he started searching for answers in his only source of information, his brother, his protector.

He recalls how his curiosity turned into a wish little by little. What he missed left a huge gap in his life and nothing and no one ever came close to fill it. Every moment that he watched a mother taking care of her child, his small heart longed for a mother, every moment he felt he needed love and support he yearned his mother. He was never was loved, kissed or hugged the way a mother loves, hugs or kisses. In the next fallowing years he discovered more and more that he was deprived from such a blessing, a mother. A mother he never had a chance to appreciate her love, a mother who never had a chance to nurture and love him, a mother who never had a chance to care for him when he needed it. So he turned to his father and brother to seek the love he wanted and needed.

Then he remembers the first Christmas he understood about all the evil that was out there, about the evil that took away his mother from him, he feels the fear he felt then once more as he is lying helplessly on the ground, fear of losing his father and brother to that evil too. The fear that haunted him many days and night when he waited for his father and his brother to come back from a hunt, the fear that never really left him alone even when he turned to a hunter himself and started to hunt alongside of his father and brother. Tears sting his eyes as he remembers that at the end he lost his father to same devil who took his mother. The acrid smell of blood on the dusty floor fills his bloody nostrils and he feels sick.

When he thinks back he knows that he has lost his father to the devil years before he died in that hospital. He lost his father when he got obsessed by hunting every day more than previous day, when he started to put the hunts before them, when he started to put hunting and training before everything.

As Sam hit his teenage years he started to put up a good fight for his father's love and attention, literally. Right now he regrets all the fights and arguments he had with his father to make him to put them before hunting at least once in a while, at the end he could never get his father's love back by picking fights with him. How silly he was that he thought he could change his destiny by vexing the father that although loved them failed to give them anything other than training and tough love, how stupid!

Sam's eyes rims with tears as he thinks about his father. The tears continue to pool in his eyes and when they get heavy enough warm tears drops slip on the bridge of his nose to other side of his face. He doesn't cry for himself and the very lonely moment he has spent in his childhood, teenage years and all the fallowing years that fallowed, not for all the moment that he painfully felt different and wished for normal, he cries for his dad. His shattered heart breaks one last time when the last day of his father's life is played in front of him. His heart bleeds when he remembers that he tried to pick of a fight with his father the last time he ever talked to him, the last fight that was also because he thought his father was trying to put hunting the evil son of a bitch before his dying brother. Poor John, it wasn't his fault that he had a child with demon blood after all, his only blame was to have Sam as his son, he was a curse.

He regrets all of his fights he had with his fathers for the thousandth time, but the most painful tragedy happened when he gave up on his family. When he recognized that he can never have what he wants with his family. He hated it more and more when he was given a backpack and was sent to deal with that much strange people all by his own every time they left a town for a new town, he got lonely a and lonelier with every fight. His heart aches more when he remembers that he spent the loneliest moment of his life at the back seat of the Impala, it was why he left the most important people in his life, ripped away himself from his loved ones and left to search for some normalcy. A life in which when you tell your father that you got a full free ride for a very good university he doesn't look at you like you are a disappointment.

He is painfully reminded that his father never wanted the kind of happiness he wanted and he never tried to understand it; maybe his father knew there was no escape for a hunter, maybe he knew Sam was stuck in the supernatural world for ever. Maybe he knew but he never said anything until he told Dean to either save him or kill him.

Sam feels his chest tighten with this specific memory even more. He takes a deep breath to sigh as his depressed body tries to cope with the loads of sorrow, and it leads to the most painful three coughs of his lifetime as the breath hitches in his throat half way. Every cough knocked more air out of his bleeding lung, with the last one he coughs a large amount of blood up, his pain eases a little as a small stream of blood starts to trickle from the corner of his mouth to the dirty floor. The salty taste of copper fills his mouth all over again. He looks down slowly and shifts a little to have a look at his side, and there he sees the reason of his bloody coughs, a rusty nail sank half way in his chest. The small punctured wound hasn't bled much which means only one thing, he is bleeding in.

The young hunter knows he doesn't have much longer to live, he would be more than happy to finally spare everyone of pains that he had brought to them, but he wishes just for one thing before he dies and it's the caring touch of his brother on his forehead as he brushes away his wild bangs and looks into his eyes with concern and affection. Life is way too pitiless to grant him one dying wish. He feels cold, colder than before; a moan escapes his lips as he tries to curl more into himself.

It helps him to feel a little warmer when all the moments Dean has cared for him comes to him in very vivid pictures. Dean taking care of him and helping him to get dressed for school when he was so small to know how to tie his shoes, Dean carrying his heavy backpack every time they had to take all their school stuff with them since they were going to leave a town and never come back to their friends there, Dean taking care of him every time he got sick or injured, Dean cooking him easy and not very tasty foods when they were left behind in a cheap small rental house, Dean trying to comfort him every time loneliness and despair of hunting life consumed him, Dean worrying about him every time he coughed, fell, or just simply disappeared, Dean having his back in each single hunt they had after college, Dean simply being Dean, Dean simply being his brother.

Dean never gave up on him even when their father gave up on him and told him to either save his little brother or kill him like a rabid dog. Sam could never make it to this day if it wasn't for Dean's faith in him. Although his obedient brother promised to kill him if he turned evil, he never did it no matter what, because he never doubted Sam not even for a fraction of a second until now.

Sam wonders how Dean managed to stay satisfied as a hunter or how he dealt with solitude it brings with itself. Part of it is definitely for the libertine and care free life style he chose, but how his blithe big brother managed to be there for him every time he needed him still fascinates Sam.

Now tears are freely running down his eyes. Sam can never find anyone to blame but himself for all that unfair things that happened to him. He curses himself with hatred and disgust; _damn me and my tainted blood that made my faithful brother to give up on me. Damn me that died like a fool and caused my brother to sell his soul to a filthy demon and get tortured in hell. Damn me that disappointed my brother after all the things he went through for me. Damn me for getting my beautiful, innocent mother killed. Damn me for getting my lovely girlfriend killed. Damn me for making my father obsessed with revenge. Damn me that tried so hard, but couldn't change this curse and his sinister destiny even a bit. Damn me to hell._

These are Sam's thoughts as his feeble body curls into himself and darkness claims him slowly and painfully.

**Thanks for reading.**

**Please, please, pretty please review. I really need to know what you think.**


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